Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
