I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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