dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
