i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
