My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
