Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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