i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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