chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
