Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
