ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
