i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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