Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she peed on how many people?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
