CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
