Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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