got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
