Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
