That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Less talking, more tequila
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
