Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
