my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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