okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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