He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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