Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
