with your own penis?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
