What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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