i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
