Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
