everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
