@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
