your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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