i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
