Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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