How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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