What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
