I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
