Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
