I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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