I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
