Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
