Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
