so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
