I'm drive I can fine osifer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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