I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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