as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
