I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
