So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
