i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
All I want is dick and wine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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