How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
