She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
