So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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