how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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