he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
