Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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