well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
